Don’t Be a Kept Man

Chapter 63: Today is Also a Day to Keep Up His Fake Personality

Fu Xiu Nian’s words could be matched with the saying that if the words don’t shock people, he will never stop to do so until he dies.

This kind of landmine being thrown out not only made the viewers who were watching and preparing their pitchforks start laughing like crazy, even Chen Yi stopped eating his candy.
He lifted his eyes to emotionlessly look at Fu Xiu Nian and then bit the candy in his mouth harshly, crushing it into pieces.
With the disproportionate distribution of white and black in his eyes, when compared to an average person, it made him look quite evil and scary.

Fu Xiu Nian’s gaze met Chen Yi’s eyes, and he was not only not scared, but he even smiled at him.
His dimples came out of hiding and showed up along with his smile before Fu Xiu Nian turned around to head into the water.
His voice rang out light heartedly as he said out loud, 

“I’m going to catch some fish now.”

Chen Yi slowly retracted his gaze and lowered his eyes.
Continuing to play around with the candy shards in his mouth, he ate the lollipop as if he was smoking a cigarette instead.

It was at this time that the production team issued a new mission: 

“Besides Chen Yi who is unable to join in due to his health, the other four must compete with each other within a time limit of two hours.
The winner will be determined by the total weight of the fish you have caught and they will be able to head into the convenience shop to pick out whatever items they want.
The one with the lowest total weight will be given a punishment instead.”

The “convenience shop” was really only a trailer attached to the end of a car.
It was small, but it had everything they would need.
Everything from wood, rice, oil, salt, snacks and drinks were prepared, just like a regular corner brick and mortar convenience store, hence the name as “convenience shop”. 

To these stars that could become vegetables themselves from eating only vegetables, it was no doubt a huge motivational boost.
But the PD team would not provide any materials or tools for them, and the celebrity guests could only enter the shop for ten minutes with empty hands.
How much they could carry would be based on their cleverness.

Ah Qi immediately clapped enthusiastically, as if he knew he would be on top already, 

“I agree, I agree.
Hu.
You guys are finally being generous for once.”

The girls themselves however were not concerned about that.
Instead, Zhao Ke Yi and Li Su Li’s face dropped in fear and asked, 

“What is the punishment for being last?”

The PD smiled meaningfully, 

“Nothing difficult.
A very simple task.
The last will become a volunteer, helping an old granny by the village entrance with her chores.”

It was said easily, but it could not not be difficult.
The commenters immediately went to discuss the implications.

[ This production team is really not human.
Things one after another, over and over.
The punishment from the last game was said to have the boys help tend the cows, but it was really cleaning up piles of their poo.
The group of men vomited as soon as they were done, until they heaved out more than the fat of their body. ]

[ Chen Yi was already slacking off during the last punishment.
Ah Qi and Fu Xiu Nian were worked to death on his behalf.
This time he’s already lying like a sack of potatoes again.
What kind of stupid luck does he have? Everyday, every time, just taking the fruit of other people’s efforts.
What, is being sick supposed to be something great? Why didn’t he die at the hospital.
If he rested for eternity, how great would that be? ]

[ This is the first time I have seen Chen Yi.
As a simple passerby, he’s ok.
Quite a straightforward man, no frills and all that.
That phrase if he’s pregnant cracked me up so hard lol ]

[ I have already become so used to those celebrities pretending their asses off.
Chen Yi’s words just hit right on the target.
This kind of temper fits my taste so well ]

[ I don’t like Chen Yi, but I hope some other people can take note of themselves and reflect on who they are rooting for]

[ This piece of shit, I hope he gets booted out of the entertainment industry.
I just want to throw up the more I look at him.
Where did this bot army pop up from? Fuck off ]

[ Fuck your fucking mother off.
Just talking nice about him makes me a bot? Are you fucking insane ]

[ Those who are on the side of Chen Yi are just brain dead idiots.
How could that kind of person have any fans? How much did his team give you? Are you blind from all the money? I heard his parents died from anger because he used all their money to get into the entertainment industry.
Chen Yi, what a fucking piece of garbage ]

[ Wow, someone thinks they are so smart huh.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that someone said Chen Yi had no mom or dad growing up, only his grandma raised him.
And now today it’s been changed to his parents dying from anger.
How many stories are you going to give out? What, I’m going to be his fan.
Are you dead yet? Dead yet from all the anger issues ]

[ I * you * your mom.
Are you motherfucking blind? Stanning Chen Yi, are you sure you didn’t kill off your ancestor from making them so mad huh ]

[ I **** YOU ** ]

The netizens were full of malice towards Chen Yi, and those who emerged on the side of Chen Yi were immediately flamed with hatred and they had to shy away.
At this moment, the screen was only filled with hostility.

On the opposite side of the monitor, the celebrity guests were already starting to head into the water.
Compared to their hardworking attitude , which also included Li Su Li who was scouring for fish seriously, Chen Yi was happy relaxing by himself.
Lazing away, crouching by the bank and sun tanning on the stone bridge all by his lonesome.

Looking at him from this angle, his side profile was like a cold knife, cutting into the coldness of a peak, which was so very different from a trendy new idol bursting into the scene, as he was supposed to be on paper.
It was also a direct contrast, as if creating an invisible barrier from the lively atmosphere in the pond, between the other celebrities and Chen Yi.

Everyone was working hard in the competition, catching fish however they could and failing terribly at it, letting loose many cries and laughter.
Fu Xiu Nian was also very earnest, moving his hands everywhere in the water, but his mouth was also chattering nonstop.

“Chen Yi, say, why do you think there is not a single fish in my area?”

“You should be waddling towards the middle of the pond.
Why is your body waving around in front of me instead?”

“No way.
Deep pools are very dangerous.
So very easy to have accidents.”

“The deepest this pond could go is up to your chest.
Even if you “drown”, you’ll just waste your efforts trying.
An old man like you should move your body more, walk in a few more steps.”

Chen Yi had never seen someone so stupid.
He pulled the empty lollipop stick out of his mouth and stuck it into his pocket before pointing at Fu Xiu Nian and saying, 

“There was a big one that passed by your 9 o’clock position.
Go and catch that one.”

Fu Xiu Nian immediately followed his instructions, but he came back empty-handed.

And immediately, some netizens immediately started looking for strife.

[ If Chen Yi has the ability, he should go into the water himself.
Does his waist not hurt, standing like that? Pointing fingers as he stands there, does he really think he is someone important? Fu Xiu Nian was in a car accident when he was young and his right hand has not been the same.
How could he catch anything ]

[ Didn’t throw his stick onto the floor as garbage.
Give him a “GOOD” sticker. ]

[ Who knew that Fu Xiu Nian had an injury huh? Don’t say that Chen Yi didn’t know, how many here actually knew about that? ]

[ Fu Xiu Nian has such a good temper.
He’s so gentle, a real gentleman, like a prince on a white horse.
How could Chen Yi still be so mean to him? I *** ]

[ What the fuck is in the heads of this comment section? Chen Yi didn’t know that Fu Xiu Nian even had an injury.
I can see it clearly now, when you don’t like someone, they can be in the wrong even just by breathing ]

[ That’s right.
I especially wish for Chen Yi to stop breathing and immediately leave this world.
That way we wouldn’t be here, wasting our breath to bad mouth him. ]

[ * you **, the one before me has crossed the line.
They say Chen Yi’s mouth is poisonous, but your mouths are dirtier than the bottom of a toilet ]

[ Chen Yi has always spoken like this.
I really don’t see how he was mean to Fu Xiu Nian.
The two of them seem to be in a good relationship.
No matter what it is, you antis are blindly spewing shit ]

Everyone was going full keyboard warrior for their beliefs, when they suddenly heard a big splash sound from their screens.

Although Ah Qi and the others did not catch a single fish, just looking at Fu Xiu Nian and his clumsy movements, Chen Yi felt that the last one must be him and no other.
He folded his pant legs up to his knees and then jumped straight into the water.

Li Su Li looked over at the sound and the corners of her mouth slowly inched up, hooking into a mocking expression, 

“What a rare sight.”

Fu Xiu Nian gave her a look and then retracted his gaze.
He took off his gloves and passed them to Chen Yi, 

“Gloves make it much easier to catch them.
Try it first, but if you are not comfortable, go back out and rest.
Don’t force yourself.”

The script said in black and white that he needed to do nothing, to not participate and avoid all work, to collect some more antis for his collection, and so Chen Yi felt like he had messed up after dropping into the water.
He could only work harder to keep up his persona and lowered his eyes, tilting his face into an expression full of annoyance, 

“You think I’m the same as you, needing gloves to catch anything?”

No surprise there as the screen was once again filled with vitriol.

[ I ** he thinks he’s so good? Fuck his ** ]

[ Ho ho, go catch one if you have the ability.
What fucking arrogance ]

[ To be honest, I don’t think everyone needs to leave hate comments for Chen Yi.
The more you do that, the more exposure you give him.
Just ignore these kinds of garbage. ]

[ Really.
His actions don’t color me surprised.
I just hope that this program can look at themselves and realize to not just invite anyone who has some sort of popularity ]

[ It’s still good that he jumped in.
It counts as participating in the game.
When the time comes and he can’t catch a single fish, perhaps it will be him accepting that punishment rofl ]

[ Don’t even think about it.
He has a million and one reasons to avoid the work.
Perhaps then he will actually just drag the others down with him ]

Chen Yi reached out to grab a random branch from the shore.
He tested the hardiness of it and thought that it was close enough before he re-entered the deep end of the pond again.

After all, he did come from a past life where he was from a family that practiced a secretive and highly coveted practice of martial arts.
There was a fundamental training that focused on the eyes and the wrist movements.
One could only pass this section by piercing the water with a rock and causing a fish to faint as it rose up to the surface from the force of the throw.

But unfortunately when Chen Yi transmigrated here, he had lost all of his inner strength and all levels of his cultivation.
The original host was also lacking in wrist strength and so he could only use this kind of primitive method to catch fish.

Li Su Li had been diligent the entire time and she still couldn’t catch a single fish.
She rested where she was standing as she was more tired than anything, with sweat dripping down her forehead.
Seeing Chen Yi waddle in with a tree branch, she scrunched up her face and rolled her eyes.
Trying to stir up something, she said, 

“Chen Yi, can you walk a bit slower? We’re all trying to catch fish here, and you’re just scaring them all away.”

Chen Yi twirled the tree branch in his hand and said, 

“Lies.
If fish don’t swim, are they supposed to wait for you in a stationary spot for you to catch them?”

Other people may try to ignore Li Su Li for their image, but Chen Yi didn’t care.
Since he was young, he had never let bygones be bygones.
His life was never fated to have the manners of a gentleman.

[ Puh hahahahaha I especially love it when Chen Yi goes head to head with Li Su Li.
That is basically my happiness.
It is so satisfying to watch him make her speechless ]

[ Two poisonous snakes duking it out live hahaha ]

[ Come on, hurt each other more.
Who’s scared of the other ]

[ I hate it when Chen Yi’s being shit to other people, but towards Li Su Li, I really have no complaints here ]

[ I have never seen such a mannerless man.
What Chen Yi needs is some schooling ]

[ Hey you, when someone spits in your face, I hope you can keep your so called manners.
I especially like Chen Yi’s temper, perfectly suited to my tastes ]

Zhao Ke Yi was close by the entire time and could hear the two of them and their conversation.
She couldn’t hold in her smile at his response, and she could only cover her mouth to hide it.
She suddenly thought that Chen Yi was quite interesting. 

Li Su Li’s jaw clenched up but she mustered a forceful smile on her face, 

“Weren’t you too lazy to get into the water? Why don’t you stay out of it as you won’t be able to catch fish anyw……”

Before she could even finish, the branch in Chen Yi’s hand immediately pierced the water, as if it was a flash of lightning.
Li Su Li was so shocked by that action that the color drained from her face as she cried out “Mommy” and jerked away by reflex.
A splash of water rang out beside her and as the wooden stick was lifted out of the water, she could see a struggling fish at the end and it was not a small one by any means.

The game had not been going on for too long and so everyone hadn’t gotten the trick to it yet.
They had been only trying to catch fish with hopes and blind luck, and so no one could have expected that the first person to do so would be Chen Yi.
Seeing how skillful Chen Yi was, Ah Qi immediately straightened up and gave him a big thumbs up.
Zhao Ye Ki yelled out in response, 

“Wow Chen Yi, you’re too amazing!”

Li Su Li couldn’t smile however and said, 

“Perhaps it was just a coincidence.
Chen Yi, your luck’s not too bad.”

Audience: He must have the devil’s luck!!!

Fu Xiu Nian was standing nearby, and he couldn’t help but smile with his eyes curved up.
And then he focused back on his side, continuing to try and catch his own fish, when all of a sudden, a sudden heaviness dropped into the basket by his waist, even somehow wiggling a few times.

He subconsciously lifted his head and happened to be greeted with that always arrogant and condescending face of Chen Yi.
The other’s expression was very impatient and his tone was very matter of fact, as he raised his eyebrow, 

“I didn’t bring a basket.
If you don’t mind it, carry it for me.”

Fu Xiu Nian paused, stunned for a moment before slowly smiling, 

“No worries.
It’s not that heavy anyway.”

Chen Yi ignored him after that and continued to catch fish.
Li Su Li and the viewers were just waiting to mock him, but the conclusion was that perhaps there were too many fish in the pond or they collectively were just bad at this.
Chen Yi seemed to have paved the road open and his hands were like magic, striking into the water with the branch like lightning and thunder and coming out with a fish at the other end every time.

Wah La!

Wah La!

 

Wah La!

— Not even half an hour later, the basket by Fu Xiu Nian’s waist1 was already full.

Ah Qi had already given up on catching any fish and he was like a viewer on the livestream,  only staring at Chen Yi and his ever never ending cycle of fish.
Zhao Ke Yi’s eyes were glimmering like there were stars in them, changing from her previous attitude into a fangirl, 

“Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!!!! Chen Yi, how are you catching them!!! Teach me!!!!”

Li Su Li was already paralyzed to the core and she couldn’t even muster up a smile on her face.

The viewers were all cursing a storm in their hearts: Are you motherfucking serious?!!!! Even those pay-to-win gamers aren’t that good!!

[ This must be fake.
Did the filming crew prepare this beforehand…… ]

[ 1.
The water’s clear.
And the PD has been filming the entire time, so they couldn’t have done something; 2.
Chen Yi’s name is “big”, but it’s not so big that the crew would help him cheat ] 

[ The fish in these countryside ponds are too smart.
It is not easy to catch one at all ]

 

[ There’s nothing that special about it.
When I lived by the sea, I could catch more than he could in half an hour ]

[ A wrecked boat still has three pounds of nails2.
Perhaps Chen Yi’s skill is catching fish.
But still, that’s too crazy.
He didn’t even need to look and he just stabs the stick in the water, not even needing time to survey the water ]

[ It’s just fish.
Don’t make him into such a fucking god.
Any fisherman by the sea would be stronger than him. ]

[ Hey you, what kind of fisherman is not skilled at fishing? It’s their job.
Do you even know what you are saying? Is it that hard to accept that there will be people out there better than you huh ]

[ My face hurts.
I just said that he must be last, and the next second my face has been slapped ]

 

[ GARBAGE Chen Yi.
Won’t even carry his own basket and dumping it all on Xiu Xiu3 to bear his weight.
What if my Xiu Xiu can’t even put his own fish into his own basket? We’re done, we’re so done for.
His hand also has an injury, so he couldn’t be the last one, right ]

[ Who made Fu Xiu Nian’s temper so nice.
He’s too easy to bully.
Li Su Li and Chen Yi, these two crazy nuts are pulling him from side to side, bullying him, easier to play with than clay ]

Fu Xiu Nian untied the basket by his waist and placed it on the bank.
He was pouring all the fish out before he suddenly saw Chen Yi come up on shore in a hurry.
With his pants rolled up to his knees, revealing some very muscular calves, Chen Yi began to put his shoes back on.
His eyes somehow also seemed to be more blazing and ferocious than the sun in the sky.

“Chen Yi, are you not going to continue?”

“No.”

Fu Xiu Nian crowded around the shore and counted the fish as he said to Chen Yi, 

“Thanks to you, we have all this.
The napa cabbage in the courtyard has almost been cleaned out by us.
These fish should last us quite a while.”

Chen Yi said, 

“There’s something to eat just beside you.”

Fu Xiu Nian looked beside him, but he could only see some green grass growing by the road and he asked curiously, 

“What is this? I have never seen this before.”

 

Chen Yi looked at him oddly, 

“Shepherd’s purse4.
These can be eaten.”

Fu Xiu Nian blinked, 

“I didn’t know that these can be eaten?”

Chen Yi: “As long as you know rice can be eaten, then that’s fine.”

 

Click here to bypass all the footnotes!

Notes:

*1 fish/woven basket: There’s actually quite a few different designs(?), of many different sizes, some of which can be like a cone shape to catch fish, some that are ginormous (which you can find pretty easily on taobao actually), some that are more round and some with openings and closings, but here’s something to give an estimate (this one is from a posting on taobao!):

 

*2 A wrecked boat still has three pounds of nails: A saying that means something broken still has something to be used like nuts and bolts of a wrecked boat still can be used even if the boat is wrecked.

 

*3 Xiu Xiu: A nickname by the netizens, most likely his fans, for Fu Xiu Nian, taking the middle of his name, and kind of like saying my child, Xiu Xiu, being a bit cute.

*4 Shepherd’s purse: A very common grass that grows by the roadside, literally translated as “ground grass/veggie” due to its common-ness, but also edibility.