Don’t Be a Kept Man

ot say that Second Master Xie is only crippled in one leg.
Even if both his legs were injured, that is still better than you, better than me by more than a hundred times.
Just like how a pigeon and a phoenix has feathers on their body, the two are on two completely different tiers.
So to speak and compare like that……”

He paused and then looked at Liu Zhen Hu with a very serious and solemn face—-

So,

“If everyone is a bird, what feather are you?”

“Wah—“

The moment these words were spoken, the entire place was shocked to their core.

If it could be said that Chen Miao Ping was still talking reasonably and backing it up with evidence before, the last word was just straight up trash talking.
Once he had finished talking, the entire building had descended into silence.
And then one second passed before everyone started bursting out in laughter, this outburst created a resonating sound that could blow off the roof of the building.
Some were even hitting their thighs and legs crazily, with tears coming out of their eyes.

Liu Zhen Hu’s eyes were dashing around, looking left and right, and his face was turning  green from seeing that everyone around him was laughing at him.
He started to become angry, having never thought that Chen Miao Ping could humiliate him this way and immediately wanted to get revenge.

However, Chen Miao Ping had immediately taken a step back, behind Qian Tong and the gang once he finished speaking.
So when Liu Zhen Hu’s eyes turned into a murderous rage and his fist was slamming into his palm, Qian Tong and the soldiers had instantly pulled out their swords.
As if he were to take just one step forward, he would immediately get schooled like nobody’s business.

Liu Zhen Hu, at the end of the day, was an idiot.
Even if he entered a crazed mode of studying for a few years, it did not change anything.
It just made a useless idiot into an idiot who read some books.
However, not everyone was in for the drama, as someone stood up to help pacify the situation and help Liu Zhen Hu gain some of his dignity back when he saw Liu Zhen Hu getting angered to the point of being unable to talk back.

With a light colored robe on him, this poor scholar stood up from his seat and said, 

“Although some of Brother Liu’s words were a bit crude, saints and wisemen have said to not overstep, and to forgive others’ mistakes with an encompassing graciousness.”

Chen Miao Ping could only reply with one word, 

“Fool.”

“You!” 

That scholar in light colored clothes choked on his anger, staring at him with rage.

Chen Miao Ping lifted his hands with no sincerity in a courtesy bow, 

“Apologies, perhaps my phrasing was too crude.
Brother, you must not overstep and forgive this impoliteness with your all encompassing graciousness.”

“Puh ha ha ha ha–“

Surrounding them was another round of thunderous laughing, and the entire place was becoming unruly.
Xue Yi couldn’t help but laugh too, but out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the Madam giving her the stink eye.
She paused and quickly spoke up to pacify the crowd, 

 

“This honorable Chen, you are, of the utmost, a very particular person, and Xue Yi cannot be someone other than one who is most definitely humbled by you.
A few days ago, Yin Feng Jie-Jie2 received a poem from the previous Flower Seeker Meng Zhang Ling, Meng Da-Ren…… Since we have met coincidentally like this, may this Xue Yi have the honor to ask brazenly for Chen Gong-Zi to gift me such a gift?”

A lady from these entertainment houses spending their entire fortune to ask for a reputable man to write a poem for them was a very normal thing.
It was considered a smart and clever move as it would raise the value of your name.
That Meng Zhang Ling was an individual crowned to be one of the best at poetry and drawing, but these kinds of things were privately done.
For Xue Yi to ask for such a favour in front of everyone, in the public eye, it was definitely to cause trouble for Chen Miao Ping.

If the poem he created was terrible, he would be mocked and humiliated; if it was average, it wouldn’t match his title; if it was brilliant…..
how could it be asked from someone with the position of a Flower Seeker?

No matter what Chen Miao Ping did, he was really walking to his own death.

 

Right as the last word came out of her mouth, a maid immediately presented a calligraphy set to him.
Chen Miao Ping shook his head inwardly.
Ancient civilizations really had no other leisurely activities.
It was either horseback riding, playing pitch-pot3 or competing with poetry.
No matter where you go, you’ll just be surrounded by these.

 

To gift him with precious and prized calligraphy sets, it wasn’t unacceptable, but Xue Yi was a lady from Chun Xiao House.
To write poetry about these types of girls, he could only do one —

A pair of delicate elbows become the pillow of a thousand humans, a pair of lips tasted by ten thousand humans.4

…… Which if he dares to write that out today, you can be sure that he won’t be walking out of this Chun Xia House alive.
So he blinked his eyes a few times but did not immediately agree.
He only said after mulling it over a bit, 

“I have a limited pool of knowledge and poetry is not my strength.
Not to fool this lady here and her passion, but actually, this Master Liu is not bad in the literary arts……”

“But Xue Yi only wants Master Chen’s.” 

Xue Yi stepped forward to look at him, her clear dew-like eyes were full of expectation and yearning.
No man should be able to reject those eyes.

But, Chen Miao Ping was thinking in his heart, do I know you? Why would I write poetry for you? He backed up a step and escaped the other’s gaze by pouring himself a cup of wine.
And when he glanced around at this moment, he found a very familiar silhouette sitting in a corner, and he couldn’t help but narrow his eyes–

Xie Yu Zhi?

Why was he here? To sleep with women? Or here to catch him in the act?

Xie Yu Zhi’s senses were still in tip-top shape, and he naturally would immediately sense that Chen Miao Ping was staring at him.
The two of them locked eyes with each other, and Xie Yu Zhi somehow had a second of panic, feeling like he had done something wrong and was caught in the act.
He couldn’t help himself and coughed lightly and then slowly lowered his head.
When Xie Yu Zhi raised his head again, Chen Miao Ping had already looked away.

Perhaps he was agitated from Xue Yi’s performance and Liu Zhen Hu did not want to play the courtesy game anymore.
His chest heaved a couple of times before he pointed his finger at Chen Miao Ping, 

“How about we have a competition? See whose poem can snatch Lady Xue Yi’s heart? If you lose, then you will crawl on the floor in a circle three times and bark like a dog.
If I lose, you can choose whatever punishment you want me to do!”

Xie Yu Zhi’s face immediately froze and he silently narrowed his eyes.
He quietly gave a nearby servant of his a command and the other quickly and silently stood up to leave Chun Xiao House.

Hearing this, Chen Miao Ping smiled with his eyes curved up, 

“Whatever I want? Whatever way I want to treat you? If I tell you to go die, would you go?”

Liu Zhen Hu’s throat choked up.
He only realized now what he said in his impulsiveness.

But of course Chen Miao Ping would not let Liu Zhen Hu go walk to his own death, as otherwise Wu An Hou would be the first one to knock at his door looking to cause him trouble.
But it was a bit pitiful to not take a gift horse by the mouth.
One should take everything freely given to him, and perhaps a bit more too.

“How about this? If you lose, I won’t do anything to you.
Instead, we will bet 7000 guan, what do you think about that?

 

 

Notes:

 

*1 Chen Shi Mei is a character from a very old story about a man who was like a white-eyed wolf, greedy and puts himself over everything else, tossing aside his wife the moment he gains what he can, tossing away all the people who helped him the moment their usefulness is gone and he finally met his demise and his judgement by probably the most famous judge of all time, Bao Zheng, the very embodiment of justice.

 

*2 Jie-Jie: like Ge-Ge or just Ge, it means sister, like how brother is referenced, as an older female who is close to you but is not that old.

 

*3 pitch-pot: an activity like archery/basketball, where you throw a stick into a pot a certain distance away.
You earn points and if you lose you have to take a penalty like drink a cup of wine (the more you lose, the more you drink, etc).

*4 This is a line from a poem that’s passed down but no one knows who the author is, and it contains crude references to prostitutes and sex, referencing a wife who is lamenting on her complicated feelings and heartbreak at her husband going to the red light district.
And she forgives him for that, but also is very aggressive towards the women doing these activities.